It may be that it takes you too long to orgasm, it may be that you can’t orgasm at all.
You may even have the feeling like you’re less of a man because of it.
Also another huge problem is that it can really upset a lot of women, they feel down about themselves, unatractive, etc, this can cause problems in the relationship and lessen her desire for sex.
And if left unsolved or at least without solid communication about it, it can lead to anger from both sides, trust issues and possibly the end of the relationship.
So let’s fix this issue.
First Things First
Contrary to most advice you’re going to read on this subject on the internet, the most common reason for Delayed Ejaculation is medical.
I will list the most common medical reasons here and if you feel like any of these may be affecting you you should consult a doctor.
1. Diabetes, this affects blood flow and can have a negative effect on sensitivity.
2. Medication, and there can be a lot of different medications that cause this, SSRIs, other anti-anxiety and depression drugs, drugs for high blood pressure, drugs for your prostate, drugs for baldness, these are just the most common, if you’re on any medication and you’re suffering from deoayed ejaculstion you should ask your doctor if there could be a link.
On top of that recreational drugs, alcohol can be a big problem, and other recreational drugs affect different people in different ways, say for example weed, it may help one person orgasm, while being a problem for another, and the same for other drugs.
And of course your testosterone levels this can cause erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, depression, low energy, having low testosterone as a man makes everything worse, for a whole playlist I made on testosterone and how to raise it you can click the link here.
Then There Are Psychological Problems...
Do you suffer with anxiety? A lot of the advice I give you will help with these things, but if they are severe you may want to speak to a professional in these matters.
Are you with the wrong person but afraid to admit it to yourself?
Have you just come out of a seriously emotionally affecting relationship? If that’s the case you may just need time.
Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? It can be that you get into a mental loop where your anxiety stops you from being able to orgasm, and then because you’re unable to orgasm you get more anxiety, making it harder to orgasm. Think about it this way, if you mastrubate, how much of your thoughts are anxiety related? Probably close to 0%, how much are sex related?
Probably close to 100%, now think about sex, what is the balance there? If you’re having a lot of anxious thoughts and not a lot of sexual thoughts there’s a good chance you’re going to have a problem.
The more embarrassed or upset you are about it the bigger problem it will be, if you act like it’s no big deal, it is less of a big deal it will have less of an impact. For a great guide to this, check out the video I made for guys who are overweight or have a small penis, even if you don’t have either of these problems the same solution applies here and will help you a lot.
We’ll Now Get on to the Most Common Non Medical Causes and the Solutions
But first, curing this may take a little time, depending on your situation it may take a week, it may take a month, it may take 2 months, it really depends on you, what the cause of your problem is and how well you stick to my advice.
So now I’m going to give you a little advice on what to do before your problem is solved so that it doesn’t sabotage your relationship.
First you need to talk to your lady about it, actually I guess this could apply to gay guys too, so you need to talk to your partner.
I get a lot of messages from women to my email and my instagram about their partners sexual problems and almost always when they are upset, it’s not because the guy has the problem, it’s that he seems to have no interest in solving it.
So you need to communicate two things to her
1. You need to reassure her that it’s not her, that you find her beautiful and sexy, that you love her ect
2. You need to make sure she knows that you’re working on it, that you’re trying different things, and it can help to tell her what it is you are working on and trying.
Ok, and next, one of the biggest problems women have with this apart from the psychological side is soreness and over-stimulation.
Women like a man who can last, you’ve seen me make videos about it, we all know this, but if you’re pumping away for 3 hours every time, to get your nut, this can be too much for some women. Think about massages, a nice hour long massage with some coconut oil is great, but if you get a three hour sports massage without oil whatsoever, you’d be begging her to stop after 10 minutes, after 3 hours you’d be signing confession papers to crimes you’d never heard about.
So two things you can do here, one, use a LOT of lube and make sure you keep applying it throughout and second make a rule for yourself that for a while while you’re trying to get this under control, you’re not going to keep fucking her until you finish, you’re going to show her a good time, and you’ll have sex for half an hour or something like that, and if you finish you finish, and if you don’t you don’t, more than just preventing your woman from becoming uncomfortable this actually alleviates a lot of the pressure from yourself, allowing you to enjoy the sex you do have more and actually making it more likely that you will have an orgasm.
Ok now onto the causes and solutions.
We will begin with the single biggest reason men are unable to orgasm, and if you are able to orgasm by yourself and not with a woman then this could very well be the cause for you.
That is, drum rolll:
Masturbation and porn.
There are four things here that cause delayed Ejaculation,
- How much your fantasies differ from the reality of the sex that you’re having.
- The ferocity with which you masturbate
- How you masturbate
- How often you masturbate
Let’s start with porn, porn on the male brain is a lot like cocaine, by that I mean, I’m sure there are guys out there who can enjoy a nice bit of cocaine casually, maybe they do it once a month their entire lives and have no problem whatsoever, but I would never recommend anybody try cocaine, because for the vast majority of people the potential for abuse and damage from it is just too high.
And that’s exactly what it’s like with porn.
And just as with cocaine where the more often you use it the more you need to get the same high, the same is true for porn, but with porn you may need more, but more often you need more novelty and more intense things, like when you first started masturbating, back the vaguely being able to see a nipple in a lingerie magazine was enough, whereas now what do you need? A threesome? DP? A ten man gangbang? 2 women, 3 men and 4 octopuses?
As you require more and more novelty what you see when you’re watching porn gets further and further from what you’re going to experience from normal sex, and the further you get the harder it becomes to orgasm with a real woman.
My suggestion for every man is to pretty much quit all porn for good, there is really no positive to it, your life will be better if you quit, if you want to learn more about how to quit porn and the problems it causes you can watch my problems with porn playlist here.
If you know you’re not going to quit porn for good, then you at least need to quit until you solve your delayed ejaculation problem.
First frequency, if you wank 3 times a day, it’s going to be harder to orgasm from sex than if you wank once a day, if you wank once a day, it’s going to be harder, then if you do it once a week, and once a week will make it harder than once a month.
You get the point.
Next ferocity and method, some guys grab their dick like a vice, and go as fast as the can every single time, and the other thing is they may find the most sensitive spot on their penis, and constantly be stimulating that spot while masturbating, all of these things are impossible to replicate when having sex and it makes it impossible for guys to orgasm from sex.
So here is how you cure it.
First you’re going to go cold turkey and you’re not going to masturbate or watch porn until you are able to orgasm from sex.
Depending on the level you’re at with each of the 4 problems I mentioned before this reset may take a few days, it may take a week, it may take a month, it is possible it will take a few months.
Once you’re able to orgasm from sex again, you have a decision to make:
Are you going to go back to masturbating, or continue abstaining and reaping all the benefits you experience with that?
If you do decide to go back to masturbation then this is what I suggest, you invest in a fake vagina, although a fleshlight may be a better option for most of you because it’s much more discreet. The thing about a fake vagina, is you can’t use that vice like grip, and you can’t really stimulate that one little spot, so it becomes much more like the real thing and causes less of a problem.
And instead of controlling it with your hand like you’re masturbating you’re going to fix it in place and fuck it, try to mimic the position you would be in in sex, and try and mimic the depth and speed of sex, this way you’re much less likely to cause delayed ejaculation again.
As for how often, it depends how it affects you, if you’re doing it every few days, and then the problem starts to come back then make it less often.
And it’s important to do this without porn, ideally you shouldn’t even use your imagination, just focus on the sensations, the less often you do this the easier it will be to orgasm without imagining anything you can even try doing it with a condom, this has a double benefit it will be less stimulating, so if you learn to orgasm this way it will be much easier during sex.
And secondly, less of a clean up situation afterwards 😉
These tips alone are going to fix the problem for the majority of you.
If you’re still not orgasming, then it could be you are just not getting enough stimulation from the sex you’re having.
But, If you have the porn problem then this could be the cause of this and you just need time for your reset to take effect.
If that’s not the case here are some ways to increase your sensitivity or stimulation:
First If you’re lady friend is open to it, you can experiment with having her wear a vibrating buttplug while you have sex, this can have a few effects, the idea and the visuals can turn you on more making you more likely to come, it will make her tighter and the vibrations will go through to her pussy stimulating you at the same time. Plus if she’s into it, this is one of the most powerful things for driving a woman wild, if you want to know how to introduce the idea of anal to a woman and actually get her excited about it you can check out:
If you’re comfortable with the idea, you can also try a vibrating buttplug yourself, a lot of guys are concerned about this because they think it will make them gay, but that’s nonsense…
Being gay makes you gay and there’s nothing wrong with that anyway, but I digress, the point is prostate stimulation can make it much easier for you to come, some guys can come from that alone. I’ll put links to buttplugs for both men and women in the blogpost that comes with this video, and the link to the blogpost can be found in the description below.
Next cock rings can be great, once you get it up put it on and it keeps you harder for longer, making you more sensitive while you have sex, and you can even get vibrating versions.
As for condoms you really want to make sure you have the right size condoms, a lot of guys wear condoms that are too tight for them which causes problems, and this was actually a big problem for me for a long time, there’s a website called mysize condoms where you can get ones that fit you like a damn glove, you should definitely order a tester pack just to see what size you actually are, I’m willing to bet you have no idea.
The other things about condoms is they so often kill the mood, things can be going wild, you’re teasing at each other then you have to stop for two minutes, turn the lights on, fiddle to open the packet, you have to check three times to make sure you’re getting it the right way round, then you put it on the wrong way round, so you have to get a new one and start the ordeal all over again, by which time you’re at half mast, and she’s scrolling through instagram.
But there is a condom, a condom that solves this problem it has an easy to open packet and applicators so you can just use one hand and slap it on the right way round, first time every time.
Just Rip, grab, slap, bobs your uncle fannys your aunt, in out in out shake it all about, job done:
But you know what’s better than a good condom? No condom
If you’re in a long term relationship, and your woman is ok with the idea, it could be good to try either the pill or the implant, so you can experience the joys of condomless sex.
And finally are you having sex that bores you?
A few reasons this may happen
you just go through the same old played out script every single time.
You give her a bit or oral, she gives you a bit of oral, you start off missionary, she jumps on top for a little bit and you finish in doggy, day in day out.
You and her need variation and new experiences often, or you’re both going to have a hard time coming.
Next as a fan of mine, and this is more common than you think, it can be the case that you’re putting so much effort into showing her a good time, that you put no focus on what you like and what turns you on.
It could be the case that you have a certain kink or not even necessarily a kink but just something you’re really into that you are not exploring in your current relationship, and it’s something that you need to get turned on, again if you have the porn problem I would let the reset happen before you go balls deep into this though. it may be that you haven’t thought about this much until now, or that you are too nervous to bring it up, but you should certainly explore it because it may be what you need to be satisfied and make it happen, and when introduced correctly it will improve your relationship overall too
If you want a full guide on how introduce new wild ideas into the bedroom, and bring out your ladies own wild ideas and fantasies in a way that not only doesn’t offend her but which will get her excited about trying new things you can check out my book Dirty Talk Mastery, at www.dirtytalkmastery.com
For now to give yourself some quick ideas on ways to spice things up you can click this link to see the 13 most common female sex fantasies:
This will give you a good idea of where to start and where you’re likely to find the most success, but as I mentioned before, if you want a full guide on how to introduce anything you want in a safe way then check out dirty talk mastery.
And finally one of the big problems for men getting off is their girlfriend not being that into, laying there, expressionless and silent, and you have no idea if she’s enjoying it or not, if you have experienced this and you want to change it, then you should check out this video below:
This video is the 3 moves to turn any woman on, a step by stop guide to having her drag you into bed dripping to feel you inside her, and you can watch this video for free right now by clicking below.