In this article you will discover
- What sexting is and how to sext
- The 4 biggest mistakes most men make when sexting their partner
- 11 rules to sexting
- Real sexting examples
Sexting is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life, and build anticipation for the real act—perfect for foreplay.
However, despite being one of the finest acts of eroticism, it comes with anxiety and uncertainty.
You don’t know how the other person is going to react, and what might be arousing dirty talk for you, could be offensive for someone else.
There can be a worry the other person could lower their opinion of you because of what you say.
Never fear, I’m going to teach to get the confidence to sext for success.
What is sexting?
Sexting – a conjoining of the words sex and texting (in case you couldn’t work that out) – is sending and receiving sexually explicit messages, photos, videos or images.
It is a relatively new term, with the first documented use in 2005, coming with the widespread use of camera phones and smartphones.
It officially made it into the Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary in 2012.
Often-times the ‘sexts’ centre around what you want to do to each other sexually, and have the direct intention to get each other off.
Think of it like digital dirty talk or even digital foreplay.
Sounds good, right?
And it is probably way more common than you might think.
A 2013 study of more than 1500 people between the ages of 18 and 54, found that 49% send or receive sexual content via video, photo, e-mail, or messaging.
Whilst a 2017 study of 352 college students found no less than 62% had sent or received a sexually-explicit picture message.
It shouldn’t need saying, but I’m going to say it anyway – these texts, photos and videos are private between you and your partner.
Do not ever share them with your mates to try and be ‘alpha’ and show how much your woman desires you.
Aside from showing your insecurities to need to seek that validation, it constitutes revenge porn and is actually a crime in many countries.
Take for example my home country:
Over an 8-month period in 2015 in the UK, there were over 1000 cases of reported revenge porn, with 11% being charged.
It’s a dick move, and often-times an illegal one.
Don’t do it
Why you must sext
So why should you sext?
Aside from the naked photos (who doesn’t love a nude?!) and improved sex life, women actually love it.
In fact, according to Diane Kholos Wysocki, women are more likely to send nude photographs or sexually explicit text messages than men.
When it comes to sex, always remember, men and women, are like Game of Thrones and Rick and Morty.
They are not comparable.
Whilst you’re knocking one out to ‘Backdoor Sluts 9’, she’s reading some fantasy fan fiction online about Harry and Hermione getting it on.
Let me remind you, as I have done repeatedly, fifty Shades of Grey was the fastest selling book in history!
Women require words to be maximally turned on.
They require psychological stimulation.
And your sexting sessions force you to give your partner nothing but psychological stimulation by becoming the author of her personal sex story.
The biggest mistakes men make when sexting
1) Pestering her for pictures
The number one reason men sext is because they want naked photos of their partner…
…Or worse a woman they barely know who they message on Facebook without sending a friend request. LOL.
Don’t be a loser.
If you want pictures, pestering her for pictures is the worst way to go about it.
If you want naked photos of your partner you need to inspire her to send them.
Not grind her down with constant hassling until she gives in.
This should be a two-way street, where you both want to have fun.
Not purely about satisfying your rock on.
2) Sending her photos
Just because you want to see her junk it doesn’t mean your partner wants to see yours.
I don’t know how many times I need to say it:
Men and women are completely different.
Just because you want to see her tits and pussy does not mean she wants to see your dick.
And I’m not saying there isn’t a girl who likes a dick pic.
There are plenty; but those who want to see your dick, will ask.
If she wants to see you topless, or your dick, she will ask.
If she doesn’t, she won’t.
Do not send unsolicited pictures.
Not only because it is rude and you will upset her. But because whatever you are trying to achieve…
…her sending you nudes…
…you turning her on…
…getting her to come over…
… you are going to have the opposite effect and ruin your chances.
3) Texting like a child
Are is spelled are, you is spelled you, see is spelled see.
Or any of the other dumb ‘slang’ texting you might use.
Don’t write like a child.
Write using full words, full sentences and correct grammar.
And that includes commas, full stops and everything else.
Unless you want to show your partner you are lacking on the intelligence spectrum (remember, a certain level of intelligence is one of the biggest things women do find attractive).
4) Sexting a woman you haven’t slept with yet
Your sexting partner should be someone you’ve already slept with.
And I say that, knowing full well half of you reading this are going sext random women anyway.
Well, you’re going to have to learn the hard way.
I’m not saying that because it won’t work.
In fact, I’ve done it before with plenty of women.
If she’s really into you, everything is on the table.
You might be able to get her turned on and even get her to send dirty photos.
However, the problem with it is two-fold:
- It has the potential to make things very awkward when you do eventually meet face-to-face (try introducing yourself in person for the first time after messaging her you want to come all over her face the night before).
- Once you’ve crossed the sexting line, she’s gonna feel like the next time you see her sex is gonna be certain or expected.
Women don’t like this feeling.
She’s gonna end up making up an excuse and not turn up on the day.
She would rather not turn up on the day than face the awkwardness of turning you down for sex.
Don’t sext a woman you haven’t slept with yet…
…Unless you don’t care about seeing her ever again.
(Perhaps I shouldn’t say that – you bunch of savages!)
And this goes for role play to. Roleplay is great over text, but explore it in the bedroom first, there’s too much room for miscommunication over text if you’ve never tried it before.
11 rules of sexting
Now, I’m going to run through the 11 rules of sexting. Consider these as your framework on how to sext:
- Start slow
- Gauge her reactions
- Be very descriptive
- Be descriptive, but leave room for her imagination
- Use the word “my”, often
- Use her name
- Convey dominance
- Express desire
- Don’t try to be cool
- Never ever get butt hurt
- Mix it up
1) Start slow
Start your sexting session of real slow. Don’t just text her out of blue that you’re gonna stretch her ass open with a massive dildo you’ve just bought off amazon and make her orgasm.
You always need to work up to that sort of stuff.
The first sext you should send should be more subtle in nature, hinting at what you are going for.
Save the explicitness for later.
So for example, you could start with:
‘I had a dream about you last night. ;-)’
You haven’t said anything explicit here but you’ve added a wink at the end which makes it obvious what you mean.
This puts the ball in her court and it’s where you now need to…
2) Gauge her reactions
There are two reasons you send that first more ‘subtle’ sext:
- If you send something too explicit too soon you’ll end up turning her off. Even if you end up saying exactly the same thing later in the convo and it is a massive turn on for her, say it too soon and it could spell disaster.
- To see if she’s into having that conversation right now.
If she doesn’t reply indicating she’s into it, then just stop.
Let me write that again to be clear:
If there is no reply from her indicating she is into it, for the love of god, stop.
There could be a million reasons for why this is – she might be in a work meeting where she can’t have her phone out, she may just not be feeling horny, or she could be in another setting where it’s just not appropriate.
But if it’s clear she isn’t into it, don’t push it any further.
If you try and push when she’s not reciprocating, you are only hurting your chances of having this sort of fun in the future.
It needs to be a mutual thing, or nothing at all.
Read the room.
3) Be very descriptive
Remember how I talked about the extreme differences between men and women?
You need to take these lessons and apply them to sexting.
When you (assuming you’re a man) watch porn there is no decent storyline whatsoever, and for most of you, even that’s too much storyline.
You’re already scrolling across the video player at the bottom of the screen to get to the most explicit parts so you don’t have to waste time with all this undressing nonsense.
This isn’t it for women.
Your partner wants to hear everything.
Every tiny detail.
For example, if you talk about touching her, name the body part, add adjectives to describe how you touch her, describe how she reacts, describe how you react, describe how she feels (or how you want her to feel).
Pick up any romance novel written for women and see the absurd amount of descriptive text that is included.
Your sexts need to match this level of detail, although a novel is not necessary.
Here’s an example of what NOT to do
4) Be descriptive, but leave room for her imagination
Following on from being descriptive, you need to be tactful in your descriptions to allow her imagination to run wild.
For example, if you text her:
“I walk through the door, push you up against the wall, run my hand up your back and pull on your hair until it hurts.”
That’s gonna be a big turn on for a lot of women, but it’s also gonna be a big turn off for a portion of them too.
Some women just aren’t into pain or having their hair pulled hard.
You can avoid that by texting the same thing with some slight alterations.
So instead you write:
“I walk through the door, push you up against the wall, run my hand up your back and pull your hair, just how you like it.”
You can also ask her questions.
Now she can fill in the blanks with her imagination and you appear to be a demi-god.
5) Use the word "my", often
Using the word ‘my’ is imperative, especially as you get more explicit.
If you text her something like:
“You’re a filthy little whore”
There are a fair amount of girls that will get offended and start thinking you actually believe they are a thot.
It will be the quickest way to shut down the conversation.
But if you text her:
“You’re my filthy little whore”
The percentage of girls that will be offended will be much smaller and instead see it as a singular comment about you with her, with no implication she has been ran through by half the town.
Be warned this is not a hard rule, there will still be some who get offended regardless – calling girls names like slut/whore – which are generally considered degrading names outside of the bedroom, will be a total no-go for some.
It is on you to gain an understanding of what will turn your partner on.
6. Use Her Name
Everyone loves the sound of their own name.
There’s a reason an entire chapter was dedicated to it in Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence people.
(Read that book if you haven’t already)
You can take any sext and make it way better by adding her name.
If you say “I had a dream about you last night Ashley”, it’s way better than just saying “I had a dream about you last night.”
It makes it far more personal, and the mention of their name will activate a unique brain signal.
Screenshots not included to protect the innocent 😉
7) Convey dominance
Women love dominance.
Dominance is the number 1 turn-on for women.
It has been shown in study after study – and 50 Shades of Grey – that higher dominance behavior increases a man’s attractiveness.
Women love how dominant men sound, how they look, and even how they smell.
You must convey dominance.
8) Express desire
Who doesn’t like feeling wanted?
One of the other most common turn ons for women is the man they love desiring them.
Your partner loves to know she has power over you, knowing you can’t control yourself around her, or resist her.
Think about it; it’s always the same in all the romance books…
They have an uncontrollable power over a man who has never been tamed before and finally they are able to do what every other woman has not, and tame the beast.
Tell her how much you want her, how much she makes you lose your mind and how much you just can’t resist her.
9) Don’t try to be "cool"
Drop your ego at the door.
Don’t try to be too cool – especially as things get hotter and more explicit.
And by that I mean:
Don’t spend too long to message her back, especially as the convo heats up.
A lot of dating advice centers around taking time to reply to not seem too needy – and this is good advice in certain situations…
…but not when sexting.
If she’s fingering herself and you take 30 minutes to get back to her, consider the moment gone.
She’s probably lost interest and gone back to doing something else, or even worse, is angry at you for getting her all riled up and then not following through in good time.
Don’t try and be cool, especially if you know she’s by herself not doing a whole lot.
It’s a different situation if she’s at work or out with her friends and you know there is no way she is trying to get herself off, but if you know she’s home alone, get back to her asap.
10) Never ever get butt hurt
Gentlemen, repeat after me:
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t respond to you.
It doesn’t matter if she responds to you but not in the way you want.
Or she responds to you and then suddenly stops and you’re left with an erection and not knowing what to do with it.
Never, ever, ever get butt hurt.
Whatever you want to achieve by getting angry at her, you won’t achieve it, you’ll just make her less interested in you and less likely she will get dirty with you in the future.
Acting like a little bitch is never the answer.
Don’t do it.
11) Mix it up
Don’t have a set routine.
Don’t alway say the same things.
Women need variety.
You must deviate from the ‘routine’ as you have more and more conversations with your partner.
You must keep surprising her, or she’ll get bored.
There must be uniqueness to every conversation you have with her.
That means bending or breaking the rules sometimes in the future.
So even though I am providing you with all the guidance I think you need to sext, be willing to think outside the box.
It’s going to be something you need to do.
More sext examples
Here’s an example of some conversations I have had that went down a storm – feel free to use them for yourself and change whatever you need to accordingly.
Using emojis when sexting
Emojis are great, but you have to use them correctly. The only time I use them is to turn innocent texts into non-innocent texts.
For example: “I had a dream about you last night… ”
Women love subtlety when it comes to sex, especially before things have ramped up. It’s much better to send the text above than just “I had a sex dream about you last night.”
More examples for you to copy:
- “What are you doing? ”
- “Can’t stop thinking about you today ” Even better if you compliment her butt often.
- “Excited to see you tonight ”
You can also use them to add some playfulness to the conversation.
Her: “I know what you’re thinking…”
You: “Who me? ”
Another way to use them is for compliments when she does something you like while sexting e.g. sends you a photo.
- “Perfection ”
- “Damn… ”
Once the conversation has heated up and you’re explicitly sexting you can be blunter with your emojis
For example: “I can’t wait to get my head between your legs ”
Most importantly, be cognizant of how she reacts to texts with emojis in, if she’s not reacting as much to sexts with emojis inside, use less, they’re not essential.
When it comes to emojis, don’t be blunt or cheesy, especially early in the conversation.
“Wanna see my ?”
is not a message I would send. In fact, I’d avoid the eggplant emoji altogether.
Also, you don’t want to use them in every text, less is more, you might use them once or twice in an entire conversation.
Finally, you want to be aware of the image you’re conveying when sexting. You want to come across as someone sexual, not a wimp/little boy, so avoid lots of smileys and being goofy when sexting.
- “Excited to see you tonight ”
- “Wanna have some fun tonight? ”
Remember, less is more, don’t try to express everything with an emoji, use words and be descriptive.
Using questions when sexting
Questions are amazing, but they need to be used at the right time and sparingly.
They’re great for the early stages of sexting because they remove all of the guesswork and all of the risk.
Ask a question and she’ll tell you exactly what she likes.
But use them too much and you’re forcing her to work and worse, you’re not showing her what you’ve got.
She wants a man who leads and she wants a man who can turn her on, when you question too much you’re not doing either of these things.
As for timing, sexual questions should generally only be asked once you’ve already turned her on.
You can ask her questions to tell you what she likes or how she likes it.
You can also ask her about things you know she likes, things that she does, things you do, or ways she thinks.
The funny thing about us is when we think a certain way, like a certain thing, dislike a certain thing, when we’re made to verbally say it or write it, we do it and want it even more, we actively try to confirm what we said.
For example, if you already know your girl likes it when you finish inside her, once you have her turned on if you ask her “Do you want me to finish inside you” even though she already liked it before,, now that you’ve asked her to confirm it she will be even more into it.
Having said that if you ask her something and she says no, even if she was on the fence about it, but you asked about it at the wrong moment, let’s say anal for example, once shes said she doesn’t like it, she’s likely to be totally against it from then on, even if she was on the fence before you asked her.
Now you have everything you need to get your partner ridiculously turned with a few well-crafted sexts.
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