Is Your Girlfriend Bad/Boring In Bed? Check These 8 Tips
She is bad and boring in bed. She isn't adventurous. Tired. Never takes the initiative. Or whatever.
It makes you frustrated. Or maybe you're even thinking about dumping her.
But you don't have to do that. There are simple solutions to this.
In this article you can read how to make her better, so that the sex becomes great (again).
3 Mistakes You Should *Not* Make
First, you should stop:
- Pushing her to experiment more
- Begging her to go on for longer
- Encouraging her to try positions she doesn't feel comfortable with
You mean well. You want to make her better in bed.
But you'll achieve the exact opposite…
- You'll make her feel awful
- You'll screw up her sexual confidence
Understand that doing this won't improve the sex.
it will influence your whole relationship.
This was researched by the psychiatrist Gail Saltz…
"In a relationship, you need to have that sexual component to maintain intimacy, a connection and to keep the romantic chemistry going. If your sex life is lacking, it can lead to problems outside the bedroom and create resentment, frustration, and emotional distance."
The emotions that can be brought forth by bad sex:
- Emotional distance
You can transform these into the following emotions with good sex:
In order to achieve this, I'll first help you identify the cause of the bad sex.
Then I will help you set up a plan of action, step by step.
If only it was so easy that it's the same cause with every woman. There are a lot of possible causes, and I've listed the most important of these for you:
Why the sex with your girlfriend is bad:
If the sex with your wife or girlfriend is bad. Boring. It is usually due to one of these 8 very common causes:
- Bad communication (both inside and outside the bedroom). This can lead to tension and frustration between you. You can find the solution in tip #1
- It's you. Maybe your own skills in bed, or your attitude. If this is you, you probably know that yourself. Check Tip #2 to make yourself good in bed.
- Lack of energy. For example if she comes home exhausted from work. Not enough exercise, unhealthy food. Being too drained in the morning to have a nice round of morning sex. Tip #3 tells you how to deal with this.
- You've gotten stuck in a dull routine. Every time the same foreplay, boring positions and not enough variety. Tip #4 explains how you can help her become a sex goddess and Tip #5 tells you how to get out of this rut.
- Problems in the relationship outside the bedroom. An argument that wasn't talked about properly, so there are still unspoken emotions there. She doesn't like your friends. Read about this in Tip #6
- No idea what her biggest concerns about sex are (there are 5). She has difficulty having orgasms, insecurities regarding her body or little sexual confidence. Tip #7 tells you more about this.
- Not enough libido. Her sex drive is limited, so you'll feel like having sex more often than her. You can find more about this in Tip #7
- She has little sexual confidence. She is unnecessarily insecure and you are not tapping into her full sexual potential. You can find suggestions for this in tip #8
These 8 causes mentioned above form the basis for the step-by-step plan to make her better in bed.
Step-by-step plan to make her better in bed
Step-by-step plan to make her better in bed
Step 1. Start by improving the way you communicate. Ensure that you're both open to talking about anything related to sex.
In tip #1 you can read how important the communication is and what you can do to make her more comfortable.
Step 2. Go looking for the cause together. Of course there can be more than one. Take the list mentioned above as inspiration for this, to make it easier.
Step 3. Now that you're both aware of the cause, you can go looking for solutions. You can find those in the tips below.
Step 4. Implement these tips today. Take action immediately after reading this article.
Step 5. Always be prepared to improve and go over the step-by-step plan again. Every time you go over it, you'll notice that your sex life has improved and before long the sex with your girlfriend won't be bad and boring anymore.
Tip 1: Better sex starts with better communication
As I said in step 1, the process of development starts with better communication.
95 out of 100 times, communication is the cause of (sexual) problems in a relationship. That's why it's a subject you should pay more attention to.
Men and women are different when it comes to communication.
You give your girlfriend a compliment: "The dress you're wearing today looks amazing on you."
The first thing she'll think is: "He has never complimented me on my clothes before. Are they usually ugly?"
While you just think her dress is beautiful. Oh well. Women...
What you can learn from this.
- Men and women are not always on the same wavelength when it comes to communication
- Us men really mean what we say
- Women are often looking for connections with other things, or underlying intentions. (Because they are emotionally smarter)
How to communicate better in the bedroom:
- Ask her what she likes
- Realise that she'll take some things you say differently than how you mean them
- Listen without judging her
- Tell her about your interests (But never insist)
It doesn't require anything more difficult than this.
If you don't really understand what she likes in bed, this is the perfect solution:
Ask her if she can show you what she does when she's alone.
As soon as you can communicate openly about sex, you will find that most of the problems will soon be solved.
Next, you should do this:
Tip 2: Become better in bed yourself
If your girlfriend is boring in bed, this is what you should do:
Become better in bed.
I use the 6 steps of the Master Lover system for this:
1. Making her feel attracted & comfortable
2. Getting her excited in the right way
3. Making her come during foreplay
4. Long, good sex, with her coming (several times)
6. Keeping it exciting in bed (variety)
Here you can check the ultimate sex guide for getting better in bed, which delves deeper into all 6 steps.
Why she'll get better if you get better
If you make the sex better for her, she'll also be more comfortable. More adventurous. She can rely on you, because she can see you know what you're doing. And this will help her get better.
Now you have established a good foundation.
But there's still something missing..
Tip 3: Get an abundance of energy for sex
Energy is the fuel of a fertile and successful relationship. And if the sex is bad, the cause can often be found here.
This was a big problem in my case.
I made a simple step-by-step plan to solve this. Use this to get more energy yourself, but especially to give your girlfriend more energy for sex.
Take your time to go over this step-by-step plan with your girl.
Step-by-step plan: How to make sure you have more energy during sex
Step 1. Become aware of what you are giving your energy to. Balance your energy between your professional and private life. How many days a week do you come home with enough energy to have good, long and hard sex?
Step 2. Exercise more and eat food full of energy (together). If you don't have enough energy for sex every day when you come home from work, this is a “MUST”. At first, exercising and sex will mostly cost a lot of energy, but in the long term you will notice that you will gain energy and fitness.
Step 3. Divide your energy better. If, in step 1, you've become aware that you come home from work exhausted every day, you will have to look for alternatives. Consider: - Working less hours – Other work – Another function within your company
Now you and your girlfriend know exactly what to do.
You both have an abundance of energy.
The sex is still average or bad.
The reason is that the both of you aren't getting better consistently.
In the next tips I will share some research and my own tests with you, about "conditioning" (yes, the same thing they do with dogs):
Tip 4: Condition her to be a sex goddess
The information I'm going to give you now is the most effective way to make her better in bed.
I will explain it to you with the help of the Pygmalion effect:
The Pygmalion Effect
You have a classroom full of young children.
During the start of the school year all children taken an IQ test.
The results of the IQ test are hidden from the teacher, and the teacher is told that a certain few children achieved the highest IQs in the class (20% of the class), in actual fact these children are selected at random.
The test is taken a second time at the end of the school year.
You might be able to guess....
Right, there is a difference between the students:
The children who do best are those that the teacher believed to be smarter.
- Conclusion: The children start achieving better results, if the teacher has higher expectations of them.
Another way to say it: If you have high expectations of a person (and you let them know) they will usually meet these expectations.
Of course you can also use this method to your advantage. If you expect someone to fail and you let him know, this increases the chance that it'll happen.
So tell a person what you expect of them, and they will more often meet these higher expectations.
Exactly, you already know how you can use this to your advantage.
How do you train her to be better in bed?
Bear the Pygmalion effect in mind for a while. I'll come back to it later.
The Skinner Box experiment is an Experiment by BF Skinner (a psychologist from America) from 1931
In short: An animal (so a woman as well) makes the connection between what's happening and the way she behaves, if there are consequences.
For example: There is a rat in a box.
If the red signal is on, the rat will get an electric shock. But if the green signal lights up, and the rat pushes the switch, he'll get food
After it's pushed the button a few times, the rat will know that he should only push the switch when the green signal is on.
This is called 'Operant Conditioning'.
Imagine: You reward her for sexy, good behavior, and she'll behave like this more often automatically.
Now what if you combine these two theories.
The combination of Operant Conditioning + Pygmalion Effect
You can use this mix of theories to you advantage in more aspects of your life, than just making her better in bed.
You send a thank you to a (teacher/ customer/ partner/ boss) saying the following: "Thank you for always reacting so quickly, I really appreciate that a lot."
Result? They will respond very quickly - even if they were very slow before.
What did you do?
You have given someone a compliment for a characteristic they don't posses (yet).
Operant Conditioning = Condition them with a compliment.
Pygmalion Effect: They will see themselves as a person who reacts quickly.
How to make the sex with her better with the pygmalion effect and operant conditioning
This method is brilliant. With this you can turn even the most lazy, most boring and worst sexual partner into a sex goddess. You punish bad behavior (mention it/ignore it) and you reward good behavior
Every time after sex, say one of these sentences, or something similar to her:
"It was such a turn on to see you let go like that baby, thanks for that."
"I loved how you were tonight, it was so kinky"
"I love how every time we have sex it gets a bit more exciting"
If she looks at you with a doubtful or funny face, you can add some confirmation to it:
"I understand, it might sound strange coming from me, but I really thought you were naughty tonight"
"Sorry if I've said something weird, but I just really thought you were good in bed"
"Thanks for being so free."
Tip 5: Avoid getting stuck in a routine together
This is one of the most common mistakes that makes a sex life bad and boring.
A routine is something that keeps happening over and over again.
This can have the disadvantage of the sex getting boring, and both of you ending up in a rut.
People always tend to choose the easiest option with the least resistance. So, the thing they always do.
Avoid these 'easy options' to stay away from routines:
- Short foreplay with the same (quick) steps every time: Kissing, undressing, turning each other on and satisfying each other orally.
- Always the same easy position that takes the least effort: Missionary
- Bad afterplay or no afterplay at all
- Trying to stimulate her favorite and familiar places on her body every time
The second option is the right option, and this option is often harder and the one with more resistance.
Choose the 'right option' for good, wild and varied sex:
- Bring variety with extremely long foreplay (read 3 to 4 hours) and shorter foreplay.
- You should both be creative and try new positions.
- Long afterplay, a short rest and then you go again.
- Experiment with your fantasies, like sex toys, outdoor sex or something completely new, like anal sex.
- Read this blog with 13 things women want in bed, for inspiration.
- Watch a movie or TV show together. If you'd like to try 'spanking', check Secretary.
Good communication is important if you want to try something new. See more about this in tip #1.
The problems can come from outside the bedroom as well.
Tip 6: Find solutions for the causes outside the bedroom
"In a lot of cases, the cause of the problem can be found outside the bedroom." says sex researcher Gail Saltz.
The problems outside the bedroom are often reflected in the sex.
It's possible that some arguments or situations haven't been entirely resolved yet, and that there are still emotions there.
If you don't have enough time for each other, this will influence the intimacy, joy, satisfaction and even trust. And it can even lead to anger and jealousy, and might make you dump your girlfriend.
How to solve problems outside the bedroom
As soon as you both know that the cause of the problem is something outside the bedroom..
Simple: Communicate about it and solve it. With a therapist, if necessary.
No matter how difficult this may sometimes be for you. This is really the only way to figure it out together.
But what if it's something with her?
Tip 7: Be aware of her 5 biggest sex concerns
Chicks are just like men. When it comes to sex, they can be insecure about the smallest things. Not the size of their penis, but a lot of other things.
I've been through it myself. To take my latest relationship as an example...
I had a period in which my sex drive was lower, and I had trouble coming.
After a couple of good conversations with my girlfriend at the time, we concluded that it was because of an insecurity in me.
Where did this insecurity come from?
In previous relationships the scenario was exactly the same, only back then I never talked to my partners about finding solutions.
Because we were so open about it this time, we created a lot more intimacy, both inside and outside the bedroom. Since then, I've never experienced the problem again.
In general women are plagued by more insecurities than men between the sheets.
Below you can find a list of the 5 biggest sex concerns:
5 Biggest worries women have when it comes to sex
- 1. I can't have an orgasm during sex. 17% of the women always come. 37% often. The other 46% rarely or never. 10% to 15% can't have an orgasm at all, under any circumstances.
- Experiment with other ways to make her horny and give her an orgasm.
- If she can't come, it's at least partly your fault. Probably more than partly. You will have to become better in bed to make the relationship work.
- 2. I don't look good naked. According to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Hartstein 61% of women think about how their body looks during sex. Aside from that, 51% of women would give up sex for a year to be thin.
- Let her satisfy herself when she's alone, this will contribute to her confidence regarding her body.
- Have her try to focus on the sensations instead of her body.
- Compliment her on her body.
- 3. I don't have a "normal" vagina
- Whether she's shaved or unshaved, has big or small labia, there's nothing wrong with her vagina. You both have to value it and accept it the way it is.
- Compliments also work very well here.
- Often caused by watching too much porn.
- 4. My sex drive/ libido is too low. According to a survey in 2008 she is certainly not the only woman to go through this. About 30,000 women have sexual problems. 10% of women between 18-44 have a low sex drive.
- Understand that this is not your fault: A low sex drive is the result of birth control pills, a lack of sleep or anti-depressants. It can also be because of stress and depression, according to this research.
- If you're not sure, see an expert first, like a sexologist.
- Practical solutions are going to the gym, eating healthy food, avoiding stress or having more sex.
- 5. She thinks she's bad in bed and she has little sexual confidence.
- This is a matter of practice and time which she needs to build up this confidence
- Give her a present to boost her sexual confidence. Check out the next tip for this.
Tip 8: Give her a present to boost her sexual confidence
A lot of worries and insecurities regarding sex or her body, result from her having too little sexual confidence.
In order to reinforce her sexual confidence, you can give her the following presents:
One of the biggest causes is that she's not 'proud' of her body. Consider going running together, or going to the gym together.
To keep the following metaphore in mind:
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. "
I mean that you can give her all kinds of things, but in the end she has to be motivated to improve.
Below you can find a trick to do this:
Why you yourself also have to get better in bed
You want your girlfriend to get better, but often the key to better sex is to get better yourself. If you keep getting better, she'll usually feel like she'll have to keep up with you.
One way to get better in bed is to know exactly what turns her on, and to make her desire you. For this purpose I have put together a cheat sheet especially for you.
Bonus Cheat Sheet for Men: The Master Lover Principle to make her addicted to sex
Most men are just messing around in bed. If you want to stay an average lover, that's fine.
But if you want to get really good in bed, checking out 'The Master Lover Principle' is a 'MUST'.
It will teach you how to give a woman such good sex, that afterwards she'll literally get addicted to you (and nothing or no one else).
Would you like to know how this works?
Click on the image below, enter your e-mail and you'll receive the Master Lover Principle for free right away and anonymously.